In an earthshaking announcement sure to influence absolutely nobody, Michael Bloomberg got over kicking himself for not following through on his third party run, and has decided to endorse Hillary Clinton.
The number of votes likely to be influenced by a Michael Bloomberg endorsement has been estimated at 1. Michael Bloomberg's vote. Also Bloomberg's vote, like those of all New Yorkers, doesn't actually matter, making his already irrelevant endorsement doubly irrelevant.
Nevertheless, Bloomberg who has the personal charisma of a dead fish in a freezer and the speaking skills of a waiter who really dislikes you taking your order, will deliver a DNC speech endorsing Hillary Clinton. For reasons no one can grasp, this will be taking place in prime time. Because the Clinton campaign really doesn't want anyone watching this thing.
Bloomberg will likely make the case that
1. The sky is falling due to global warming
2. That the world is a complicated place and we should embrace the destruction of American jobs
3. That Hillary has promised him that she will ban all sodas